When Non-Believers Say We’re Not Following Christ

We expect criticism from within the Church — pastors, elders, fellow believers.
But when a non-believer looks you in the eye and says, “You call yourself a Christian? You’re not living it,” the sting is different.

You may want to dismiss them: “Well, you don’t even follow Him — what do you know?”
But stop.

Sometimes the outsider sees what the insider is too proud or too blind to admit.
Whether their words come from hurt, scorn, observation, or even contempt, they give us a choice:
to examine ourselves honestly, or to harden ourselves in pride.

Why It Hurts

A non-believer may not know the full story of Jesus, but many still recognize His words — love your neighbor (Luke 10:27), turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), bless those who curse you (Luke 6:28).

And when they see us — individually or collectively — behaving in ways that contradict Him, it’s glaring to them.
We forget that we are Christ’s letter to the world:

“You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone.” — 2 Corinthians 3:2

If the letter they’re reading in your life — or in your church — doesn’t look like Him, they’ll say so.

What To Do When You Are Called Out

Here’s how to respond — anchored in Scripture and grace — when a non-believer tells you you’re falling short:

1️⃣ Pause and Breathe.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19
Silence in that moment shows strength. Don’t let defensiveness write the headline.

2️⃣ Discern Their Intent.

Ask yourself:

• Is this an honest observation?

• A misunderstanding of what following Christ means?

• Or just a provocation?

Not all critique deserves the same response.

3️⃣ Listen, Then If Appropriate, Ask for Clarity.

“Let the wise listen and add to their learning…” — Proverbs 1:5
You can say:
“That’s worth hearing — can you help me understand what you see?”

Even harsh words may hold truth if you’re willing to hear it.

4️⃣ Examine Yourself Before God.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24

Ask: “Lord, is there truth here? Have I misrepresented You?”

5️⃣ Respond With Grace, Not Pride.

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing…” — 1 Peter 3:9

You don’t have to justify yourself or win an argument. You can simply say:

“I’ll take that to heart. Thank you for pointing it out.”

6️⃣ Live Your Faith, Don’t Just Preach It.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:35

Your life, not your words, is the strongest argument.

When Groups Are Called Out

But what if the criticism isn’t about you personally — but about your church, denomination, or Christian movement?
What if the group really is failing to reflect Christ?

This happens more often than we’d like to admit:
power being misused, money being idolized, abuse being covered up, or hypocrisy on display.
And when non-believers notice, they call it what it is.

1️⃣ We Must Care More About Christ’s Name Than Our Tribe’s Reputation.

“For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household…” — 1 Peter 4:17

Our loyalty is to Jesus, not to an institution. Covering sin to “protect the church’s image” only dishonors Him and destroys witness.

2️⃣ Speak Up — Lovingly But Boldly.

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” — Ephesians 5:11

If you’re part of a group being rightly criticized, you have a duty to speak up — first privately to leaders, then publicly if necessary (Matthew 18:15–17).
Not to destroy, but to call the Body back to the Head.

3️⃣ Distinguish Between the Bride and Her Failures.

Even when Christians fail spectacularly, the Church — the Bride of Christ — is still precious to Him.
Don’t confuse the sin of the people with the holiness of Christ.

4️⃣ Remove Yourself If Necessary.

“Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord.” — 2 Corinthians 6:17

If the group refuses to repent, there may come a time to step away — but even then, remain faithful to Christ.

5️⃣ Be a Minister of Reconciliation.

“If someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.” — Galatians 6:1

Even when exposing wrongdoing, your posture should aim for healing, not revenge.

Why This Matters

When outsiders call out Christians, and they’re right, we must not circle the wagons.
We must humble ourselves, repent, and let God cleanse His house.

Jesus reserved His harshest words not for Rome or pagans — but for the religious leaders who misrepresented God:

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces.” — Matthew 23:13

We cannot afford to repeat their mistake.

Final Encouragement

When a non-believer calls you — or your group — out, take it as an opportunity, not just an insult.
Let it refine you.
Let it remind you that your faith is not a performance for approval, but a quiet obedience to the One who sees your heart.

As Paul wrote:

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.” — Philippians 1:27

Even if no one else understands — He does.